The truth

I wanted you to wait for me.

I wanted you to see that I was in pain. That I needed to heal from what you did. From where we ended up.

I wanted you to show me you were worth it.

I didn’t want this.

Instead you moved on. You continued to fight for someone else. You started a life with someone else.

I guess I wasn’t worth waiting for. I wasn’t worth helping to heal. Lesson learned S.

Now you live each day with your new girl. Loving life. Smiling and making plans. And I lay here waiting for you. Waiting for you to reach out to tell me you love me and miss me.

I wanted you to wait for me. I wanted you to help me heal. But instead I broke more and now I’m waiting for something that isn’t going to happen.

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My regret

I always say that I don’t regret anything in my life because every choice, every mistake has made me who I am today. This is no longer true. I regret letting you go the first time. I regret letting you go the second time. I regret ever letting you walk away.

I want you to want me. I want you to fight for me. I want you to reach out to me. I want you to show up here and tell me you love me. I want you to miss me. Come home to me S. Please.

You are my home. You are my everything. I want to marry you S. Please come back. Give us one more shot. It will be something neither of us will regret. Ever.

To infinity and beyond. Forever and always babygirl.

Day 3

Today has been even harder. I barely slept last night. I kept dreaming about you and waking up to look at you only to realize that you weren’t there.

The morning was okay but by the afternoon, I wanted to run to you.

I keep having moments where I imagine that you have realized what you had. But maybe you have realized and you’ve decided I’m really not worth it.

It hurts sitting here alone, knowing that you’re there with her. That you have made this decision and are happy. Don’t get me wrong, all I want is for you to be happy. It just kills that I think of you ever second but I doubt you think of me that often.

It takes everything in my power not to call you and ask again for you back. Maybe you want me back but are too scared to admit it? Or maybe I would just make a fool of myself while you say no to me.

I don’t know how long I can do this for. But there’s nothing to do but wait and see

Day 2

Day 2 after cutting you out.

Today was harder. This evening was barely bearable. I don’t know how to do this. You’re still all I want.

Maybe one day you will want me as much as I want you. But I need to let it sink in that I wasn’t enough. That you love her more. That you want her more.

I still want you to reach out and say I was right. That we can get through this. That we are meant to be. Forever and Always. Until then, Im here. Waiting and breaking.

Day 1

Day 1 without you in my life…

I lost count ten hours ago how many moments I wanted to text you and tell you something. This day has been so odd, not reaching out.

No tears yet but I can tell they’re there. I am still constantly checking your social media posts. I know it’s not healthy but I haven’t had the strength to delete you yet. You didn’t go to school/work today. How come? What’s wrong? Your pinterest posts have gotten me confused. They got me wondering if you regret your choice. Or maybe that’s just my inner hope. I’m still hoping you realize the mistake you have made. I’m still hoping you will call me and say Yes I want you. Im sorry.

Day 1 has almost ended and I’m still here. Let’s see what tomorrow has to bring.

Watching you go

Watching you go is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. And I’ve done it so many more times than I should have.

We were meant to be. It’s so hard to convince myself otherwise. It’s so hard to let that thought go.

Why did you have to choose her? Why not let me show you how happy we could be?

You are all I ever wanted and all I ever needed. I am so sorry I didn’t show you that when I had the chance.

This was your final decision. I’m sorry I couldn’t do it anymore. Seeing the one you want to marry and spend your life with be with someone else is just too hard.

You say you have concerns. Why not let us get through those together? And let me show you that you are making assumptions that wouldn’t be the case?

The hardest part right now is not calling you and begging you to come home. But I know, at least a part of me knows, that it wouldn’t change anything. But what if it did?

What if you had given me one more chance? I would cry and kiss your face and show you how much I love you. But instead you chose to not let us happen.

You say you love her more, you want her more, but then why was this so hard? Why kiss me with so much love?

I will never forget you. I will never not want you. If you chose to come back tonight, I know you would be welcomed with open arms.

One day I might believe that this is best, that we are not meant to be. But until then, I beg you to stay and watch you leave.

Who do you love more?

I’d rather you ask who do you want to be with for the rest of your life?

I can’t do this anymore. Please choose me. I’m not going to give you reasons why you shouldn’t choose her. I am sure she is great and I know she makes you happy. But I truly believe that you and I are the ones that are meant to be. We are more than meant to be. I will choose you every day for the rest of my life. All I ask is that you give me this chance. Come home tonight. Let me show you how destiny wants us together