Realization

4:30 am

Maybe if I get these feelings and thoughts out I will be able to sleep. I hope so.

But first a note:

S, if you are reading this, I urge you to think again and question if you really want to. I know you are happy and because I want a friendship with you, I don’t want what I am about to write to change anything.

I am sorry if I don’t make sense here… It is late and I am not doing well.

I had an epiphany today amongst my tears and sobs. I wanted you to be my fairy tale.

Part of me was hoping that sometime down the road when we were both on the same page in life, that we would meet for a coffee or something. And maybe just maybe we would fall for each other all over again. Like we did the day I saw you and our first night together.

But you being with her… That closes the book on my fairy tale. I would never be able to be with you again. I couldn’t move on from you being with her. So this ends even the last dream and hope I ever had for us.

I know it’s not fair for me to say these things. But I still love you. I miss you. The empty spot next to me will always be your spot.

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