I smile

We talk like we are acquaintances but I have so much I want to say to you.

I want to tell you how much I miss you. I can’t stop thinking about your little smirk and your gorgeous eyes. I can’t stop imagining your arms holding me and your fingers caressing me. I miss you more than I ever thought was possible.

I want to tell you how much I love you. I have loved you since that fateful night when we stayed up all night talking and I finally found my home. I will never stop loving you. You will always be my forever and always no matter what happens between us.

I want to tell you how much this hurts. My heart breaks every day I wake up and remember that you are not waking up next to me. My mind tears my choices apart and aches to go back and change it all. This pain is unbearable and it only gets worse.

I want to tell you how much you mean to be. You are my home and my rock. I don’t know how to live without you and I don’t want to. Even the simplest how are you exchange between us makes my heart smile for just a second. Then it realizes nothing is changing. You are my everything. I wish I was yours.

I want to tell you all this and more so instead… I smile and tell you I’m fine.

Tonight the smile means come home to me.

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