Pretending

I’m going to act like we’re okay.

Okay being friends.

Okay being apart.

I’m going to pretend I’m not dying.

But know that every second of every day I reach for my phone to tell you about something so small no one else would care. Or just to simply tell you you’re beautiful. Or that I love you.

I’m going to pretend like this is how it’s meant to be for now.

But know that I truly believe that’s not true. I know we are supposed to be together for our entire lives. And everything that happens in the meantime is just fluff waiting for you to realize this too.

Im going to pretend like I don’t cry to sleep every night.

But know that you are all I want with every inch of my soul and being and there is no changing that. You are the love of my life forever and always. And I hope you find true happiness though I hope it is with me.

I’m going to pretend that I don’t want to call you and beg.

But know that I would do absolutely anything to get you back and I jump at the sound of tires every time thinking you are finally home. Thinking you finally are choosing me and us and our life.

I’m going to pretend that I am okay.

But know that I am far from okay. I won’t be okay until I am in your arms once again, kissing your face, whispering words of love in your ear. I know once you come back to me that I will once again be excited to share my life with you.

Until then, Im just pretending

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